Here, dear Reader, is where it gets interesting. You've stuck with me this long, so clearly you're in it for the long haul. So am I.

Donald C. Grant doesn't realize it, but I can be a real pain in the ass when I'm irritated. Yes, Donny. I'm your worst hemorrhoid. So sit down on it and buckle up.

You see, many many (many many many) years ago, I was pushed too far by a telemarketer who wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. I was so irritated that I hopped onto this new thing called the Interwebs... or World Wide Net... or something.

The point is that for the first time, the internet yielded something useful -- No, I'm not talking about porn. I'm talking about information. I found out about laws that let you sue telemarketers when they're being a-holes. So I used it. I took a lot of them to task back in the day. Just little old me against big corporations. I never lost.

You can see my exploits here, at www.fightTelemarketing.com

Looks like it's time to come out of retirement. Lace up them Corporation-Suing Shoes!
See?   I told you I would get there.   Aren't you glad you trusted me and forgot all about it so that you could enjoy it now?

But the fun doesn't stop with a lawsuit. Back in the day, newspapers (remember those?) and local news stations were very interested in my exploits. I got to be in the papers AND the TVs! Don't worry -- I didn't let my celebrity go to my head. But I will work on getting that going again. And all this happened before there was such a thing as "viral video." I'll see if I can add that to the mix.

But let's start with the Lawsuit. I'm going to use small claims court because it's cheapest and doesn't require me to hire a lawyer. California Small Claims Court requires that I contact the Defendant and try to settle the matter outside of court first. This means another letter to my dear ex-friend Donny.

And you get to read it before he does!

Dear Mr. Grant: Though in our last correspondence, you declared that you think nothing productive can come from continuing our conversation, California Law requires that I try to resolve our differences before filing a lawsuit. To that end, I am contacting you one last time to advise you that I am prepared to file in California Small Claims Court to reclaim my money. I can assure you that I am serious about it, as I have taken other unscrupulous businesses to court, gotten the money I demanded, and gotten plenty of bad press for the offending corporation in the process. For example, I have documented some of them here: www.fightTelemarketing.com. I realize you're a very busy man, so I'll point you right to the best part -- the company and their "lawyer" that tried to give me the most resistance, and ended up making the site SO much more entertaining. I'm talking, of course, about Mark Booher of Convergys. If you read nothing else, do yourself a favor and read that one. It's so entertaining. If you wish to end this now, without any further wasted time or embarrassment to yourself and Delta Airlines (or maybe you, too want to appear on Judge Judy), you will stop dragging your feet and do what is right. Otherwise, I will have to continue to document this on www.thanksDelta.com and pursue the lawsuit. I await the courtesy of your prompt response.

Delta's Pain in the Ass

Next: Part SEVEN